Bridezilla in the making

I feel like I'm turning into a horrid bridezilla. I always prided myself in being fairly level headed, good at looking at things and being able to figure out a diplomatic way to deal with it, but deep down, I don't want to find a calm, diplomatic way to deal with it. I want to scream, shout, throw things, pull hair, anything to change the way things currently are going. I know that it wouldn't fix anything, and it would most likely just make things worse, it going to cause things to go just the opposite of how I'm hoping they will turn out. I don't want to make things worse, I want to fix it in the best way I can.  But maybe I should explain what led me to this so you can better understand and then judge me.

So, as you now know, June 2010 my (now) fiance I and I got engaged in Seaside, CA. Starting July, when we got back home, wedding plans began for an October 2011 wedding. The dress was bought a few weeks later, and I dove into finding the best ways to DIY as much as I could, choosing my wedding party, and researching every piece that goes into a beautiful wedding. I have yet to stop planning. Some things have slowed down since then, I've gotten into the groove and have gotten much of the early stuff done already. Part of the reception decorations have been finished and I have most of the supplies to finish them. There are some other things we'll need to pick up, but that will happen after the Christmas season when the indoor/outdoor lights go on sale. The rest we do little by little.

Me and my sister and law are going florist shopping soon, Matt is going to talk to out officiant to make sure we have him booked, and we're figuring out what we are going to do about a DJ. Like I said, it's coming along. I'll admit, it isn't always easy. Most of the time, the planning isn't, and it keeps me up late at times thinking about all of the stuff we have to accomplish still. But, we do have 10 months to do it in. So I'm sure we'll be fine. lol. The hardest stuff is already done.

So a few days ago, a friend of mine got great news. Her boyfriend proposed to her. Now, while I was happy for her, I'm also a skeptic over whether or not this is actually going to work. I think that they are jumping into something that, having only dated maybe 4 months, they are not ready for. No matter how much they inist that they are. I don't know him, but I know her. And while she can be a nice girl, since i have known her, she is the type of girl that wants to out do everyone around her. If she has friends getting dogs, she has to get one too, if they all start wearing a certain shoe, she'll buy one too. If they are getting engaged, married, and having kids, you better believe that she will be following in their footsteps sooner or later.

Now, I tried to talk to her, voice my concern that maybe they are jumping into marriage. but when she insisted that they believe that they are ready, and that this is going to work, I just went along with it. I've been helping her since before they actually got engaged with looking at wedding stuff and working on pricing, but last night she struck a nerve.

The day they got engaged, she told me that they were talking about a February 24, 2012 wedding. I made the mistake of warning her about unpredictable weather in February. She then texted the following day that they were talking either February 2012 or June/July 2011. Again, trying to be a friend, I warned her that trying to plan a June/July 2011 wedding would be very difficult. Not only trying to afford everything in such a short time, but trying to find venues, vendors and plan it all would be super stressful and more than a bit tricky. Then, last night she sent out an e-mail on facebook telling everyone about how he proposed, and that they are planning either a September or December 2011 wedding.

I felt my face heat up, my blood boil, and everything turn red before my eyes. Here, I have been planning an October wedding since July, and we decided on an October wedding at the end of June; and here she is, getting engaged November 2010 and suddenly she decides to change her origional plans to possibly plan a wedding a month ahead of mine. Another way for her to try to out do someone else that she knows. As a friend who has been trying to help her out the past few weeks, I am hurt, upset, pissed off, and any other synomym you can think of to go with those. I want to rip her hair out, at the same I time I want to sit down and talk to her about it, tell her how it hurts me that she would plan her wedding so close to the wedding I have been working so hard on. Ask her to please reconsider the September date. Show her how I can help her make a December or even a February wedding absolutely beautiful.

I know it probably sounds crazy to get so upset over something like that, but with something I have worked so hard on, stressed so hard over, lost weight over, lost sleep over, I want my wedding to work out the way I have pictured it in my head with out any confrontation from someone who was supposed to me my friend.

Woe is me. lol

That just seemed fitting.

At a stand still and dreams

So planning has come to a halt for the time being. It seems like the never ending money pit that is our life together has taken over and stopped the decoration process. Not that we don't have plenty of time to work on decorations, I mean, we do have a little over 11 months, but it was nice knowing that we had some of the work done early.

We need to plan a walk around of the grandparents' property to see how it looks this time of the year, plan for everything we'll need to do starting the spring to make it look awesome come next October, and how we are going to arrange things for set-up. It is going to take so much work, but in the end, it's going to be so worth it!

It's kind of funny looking back at what I thought my wedding day would be like back in high school. It was going to be a huge late spring/summer affair, with like 300 people; a fitted lace dress; all of my family, friends, and even some aquaintences; either down in the San Diego area or in Disneyland; and marring my ex. Very grandiose.

And, now, here I am, marrying the guy of my dreams. The guy I never knew existed, that I never knew I could be with. I'll be getting married in a cupcake dress with pick-ups that I can edit to make it what I want, in my fiance's grandparents' back yard in the foothills of California, in late October, me and my wedding party doing all of the planning and decorations ourselves, and 150 of our closest friends and family.

And, with as different as my real wedding is going to be from what I imagined in the past, I would not have it any other way. I no longer want the huge grandiose wedding with way too many people and huge expenses that would take years to pay off. The smaller, intimate backyard wedding with all of the colors is exactally what I never knew I always wanted, with the man I deep down always wanted and needed. A little piece of perfect in this crazy world we call life.

(Slightly less than) a year to go

We're down to the wire. You know the one, where all the magazines and websites start giving you a timeline of what you need to accomplish to make your big day a successful event.

It's a little sressful thinking that we actually have less than a year left to plan (only by two weeks, but still..). Sometimes it seems like nothing is ever going to come together, and other times it seems like it will all just fall into place. Or maybe that's just my wishful thinking. lol.

While visiting my sister last week, we got 8 of the candle holders wrapped in cloth and glued. We still have to add the ribbon, but that's not something I'm too worried about. Thats the easy part. We still have to decide how many tables we are going to need so I can figure out how many candle holders we are going to need, and then make sure that we have enough fabric to cover all of them!

I think thats the hardest part of plannign a DIY wedding. All of the decorations you make yourself. I mean, you enlist the wedding party and any friends that are willing to help to help tackle certain tasks, but the bride still does a lot of the work... and while trying to get decorations figured out and finished, there are a bunch of other things to worry about as well! I will definatly admit that I would love to have a wedding planner right about now. That way, everything in mine and Matt's vison gets accomplished and we have to do minimal work to get there. Only problem is that relaxation comes at a price, and we most definatly can't afford that price. We're just trying to figure out how we're going to afford the price of a simple wedding that we mostly put together outselves. lol. All in all, it seems to be coming together though. Maybe not as efficently as I would like, but coming together anyway.

Besides, how can I complain too much? I have my perfect dress. lol

Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep tonight.

So until next time, have a great day, week, and possibly month!

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year.

I love dressing up in something that I couldn't wear around in everyday life, and hitting the town with all of the other people who are doing the same thing.

There is something exilerating about that day, and being able to be the you that you don't normally let show, and being accepted for it!



Me as a zombie girl (after I changed out of my real costume! lol)




My fiance and I (The Corpse Bride and the Cowboy) right after we got home



Not to mention, that this year the San Francisco Giants won the World Series for the first time in 56 years (since they moved from NY to SF!! They are one of my teams. I have been a fan of them since I can remember. I have bats, opening day balls, baseball cards, jerseys, and a really old hat to round out my collection. I'm pretty sure I have a pin too somwhere, but I have no idea where it would be. So, I have to say CONGRATS to all of the guys, for doing an AMAZING job and fighting for something that so many didn't think the misfit team from the Bay could get. And especially to Nate, cuz when we got to meet him way back with the Fresno Grizzlies, he was a super sweet guy, an amazing ball player, and he completely deserves it!

My other team for those who aren't already aware are the Oakland Athletics, whom I fell in love with at my first A's game when I was 8/9 years old. Not to mention that I love some on the guys that played for them at least the 2009 & 2010 years (and for the Sac River Cats before that). They are some of the sweetest, guys you could ever hope to meet. And ones like Dallas Braden are amazing in the way they help the communities around them!

I'm so proud to call them my teams :)
I love my boys!